Springtime in Atlanta! 03-30-09
Sorry about the tardiness of this posting, I'm still focused upon making March an absolutely killer month. After the start I had in 2009? I really needed that success. I'll be back on schedule this month - with my next journal entry being posted somewhere around the 15th...ok? :)
So what's new?
Let's see.
Springtime in Atlanta
At the top of my list is the beauty of springtime. We had a bit of snow (which was lovely) to start our March but springtime showed her demonstrative face just enough to let us know that lasting warmth is just around the corner. I enjoy the cooler temperatures. Let's face it - I'm a fall-fashion addict. *Laugh* However, I'm now ready for some heat once again.
Also, my adorable redbirds are now back at home in the ravine behind my quarters. We once again visit over coffee each morning. Still no sign of the family of chipmunks. Thus, the squirrels are corralling all the nuts I parcel each AM. Hopefully, all my furry comrades will return soon.
Simply stated: it's springtime...and I'm blessed. :)
Back to Basics
Between my roommate's daughter being in the hospital for a forty-day span, my long-term lover abruptly leaving me for someone else, plus an unexpected & consequential business-related setback...my new year started off like f***ing crap. Having anticipated almost every aspect of our current economic meltdown, I began 2009 fully prepared to ignore the media distractions & stay focused upon implementing my goals & dreams. My new business venture has been too long coming & I was pretty sure this was my year to cross new chasms. However, I wasn't prepared for those personal surprises. Simply stated...they nearly wasted me.
One aspect of life that's essential to a transsexual's success is the whole concept of "starting over". By definition, a gender transition is aptly defined as a new start. However, the equally challenging aspect of this equation is the constant setbacks & distractions regarding being transgender. I keep becoming delusional - think I'm now past all these issues. Then...I get hit squarely once again...ugh!
Fortunately in this instance I was able to recognize that this party of setbacks wasn't another test of fate - it was more of a "luck of the draw" gone awry. I got past it and flourished during March by implementing the most important survival technique for transgender women: getting back to basics. When you reach for a distant limb and accidentally or maliciously end up on the ground, I've found the most important subsequent step is to ignore the fall & get back to the basics of climbing.
What are the basics?
A healthy routine with good friends, spiritual balance, physical fitness, and less time "thinking" & more time doing.
Works for me...
Russian in Georgia
A definite highlight of March was getting to visit with my adopted niece: Tatiana. She trekked to Tennessee for spring break to see her dad and his family. As it turned out, they ended up coming down to Atlanta for her first weekend and I got to visit with the gang at a hotel. Later that night, Tatiana & I made our way to an Ihop for a midnight breakfast & conversation. I visited everyone in Nashville the following weekend as the growing Russian attended a dance at her old high school.
As always, it was great to see this beautiful joy in my life.
What's up with all these new Photos?
In case you haven't noticed, I added a newly design photo gallery at my web site plus a bunch of additional pictures. Also, I'm now shooting new photos on an almost daily basis: when I return from work, before I go out at night, etc., etc., etc.
Taking lots of pictures of myself is a long-gone habit from my earlier days of transgender expression. However, in this instance - there's a method to my madness. I'm developing a new section for this website regarding transgender-related fashion tips. Thus, I need this inventory of new photos to support the new content & education at reneereyes.com.
It's been an interesting experience. I used to love taking photos of myself. Now? I would rather photograph other people.
Go figure...
In Search of "The Love of my Life"...
As I mentioned at the beginning of this new entry - I recently got dumped by my long term partner. Honestly? I never expected to ever find myself amongst the singles scene again. After getting past the initial hurt & anger...then subsequently taking time to reflect upon my needs & wants - I decided to once again try opening my heart to another.
I embrace the real likelihood of living my life without someone most special. I like to think I'm unique amongst transgender women and that somehow improves my chances for success. However, I'm forced to recognize that much of what makes me extraordinary is also a hindrance to a potentially successful loving union. There's always a trade-off, huh? Yuck...
One thing's for certain: I'm sick of my transgender lifestyle being the crux of a prescription for failure in relationships. Thus, I'm now focusing my attention on another tranz-person as my potential partner. Does that mean if I met the ideal man or woman tomorrow that I would brush-off that opportunity? Of course not. It just means that's not the horizon where my eyes are now fixated.
How am I approaching this new search?
Simple...I'm creating the best possible routine I can develop that doesn't include this new person. In other words, I'm creating a life filled with activities I most enjoy so that if I'm going to spend time with a new person? It means I must take time away from something I really enjoy doing. I like to think the byproduct of this strategy will be two-fold. First & foremost, it should keep me from wasting time with someone I consider a marginal match. Let's face it - when we're "looking" it's easy to get distracted by people that we know in our heart will never be a good match. Second? If I never find this ideal partner...I'll still be having fun doing things I love.
Sounds like a plan, to me... :)
Following...is a "cut & paste" of a quasi-personal ad that I posted at my MySpace page in this regard. I include it here for one primary reason. I'm asking for your help - which is something I almost never do. If you know of another tranz-woman that sounds something like what I describe here & that you consider extraordinary...I would appreciate it if you would share this link with her.
Thank you! :)
The Ad...
I ‘gotta be honest: this feels demeaning to share publicly. I know it shouldn’t: but it does. Regardless – I’ve decided to go ahead & “put it out there”.
I’d love to meet & develop a fulfilling relationship with another ideally-suited transgender woman. Could that be you? If so, I really hope you’ll invest a moment to read this summary and consider what I have to say.
I’m recently removed from yet another failed long-term relationship. It forced me to do a good bit of soul-searching in terms my past mistakes. I’ve now dated pretty much every permutation of humanity except small children – although a few of my past partners could easily be classified into that latter category. :)
I’ve come to embrace that my best opportunity for a life-long, committed & healthy relationship probably rests in the arms of another transsexual woman much like myself. Of course, I really don’t want someone “just” like me. What fun would that be? I’m seeking another with similar values but complimentary skills & interests.
I’m looking for a lady that’s around my same age & that’s also well past the challenges & scars sometimes associated with a change of gender. I won’t match with someone who’s in the process of becoming a woman or only recently went full-time. I need another who’s WELL past the tranz-side of being transsexual…and that’s created a full-filling & balanced post-transition life – but who like me: remains alone.
I’m wise enough to understand this sort of union will require a good bit of give & take. We’ll be forced to share some important emotional real estate. Thus, I’m not looking for a diva. If you need to constantly be the center of attention and are not willing to share the feminine spotlight in a union: we definitely won’t match.
As for me?
I love art: galleries, museums, and other hallowed halls of human expression. Wish I was likewise talented but I compensate by collecting. If you're really into art or an artist yourself? That would be a nice plus.
Love coffee…good coffee-shops - even more.
I’m a brainiac’s brainiac…in my area of expertise: hold five US & four world-wide patents. Outside that expertise? I’m often insightful but sometimes dumb-as-dirt. I have absolutely ZERO sense of direction: it’s embarrassing. I especially appreciate a woman who appreciates the fact we all have particular strengths & weaknesses. My career went into transition two years back and I thankfully recognized that my assets were disproportionate to my lower income. Thus, I cut-back on my lifestyle to protect my future. To my surprise, I’m equally fulfilled. Who knew? :)
I never deny that I once a man: I'm not ashamed of it. Rather, I take advantage of the insights & skills my past afforded me to be a better woman. I'm physically & emotionally strong - but like anyone else I can be fragile in a loving relationship. I’d match well with a drama-free, soft femme that's comfortable in her femininity, and herself.
I have a good life: dear friends, adorable pets, a worthwhile career & a sense of higher purpose to my projects. I fully embraced the likelihood of being alone throughout the rest of my life journey and I’m “ok” with that.
However, I’m going to keep looking because I like the odds: I only have to find “one”.
If this all sounds like a potentially good match for you – or someone you know, why not drop me a line or send them this link?
Thanks!
Seeya' in a Couple of weeks
As I said, I'll post my next entry in a couple of weeks & get things back on schedule.
My best to one & all...
Keep the faith!
Renee